How It All Began

My name is Lila Jane Rigby. I live in the valley of the quaint little Southern town where I grew up. Our small town is surrounded by mountains which somehow protect us from the harsh cruel world and allow us to live in a false reality filled with niceties and people who can talk endlessly without ever saying anything.

I myself am a housewife with a hard working husband. We've been married for what seems like forever. I met him when I was practically a child. I fell in love with him mostly I think now because I knew my family would not approve. I was shy, insecure and drawn to him. What I lacked in confidence, I made up for in my willingness to make boys love me. Our fast friendship quickly turned to romance when I showed him just how fast I was. He was "in love" and I got a quick kick in the ass that put me out of my family's house.

The years have gone by faster than dandelions can multiply in my front yard. My aforementioned skills have kept him loyal and provided me a simple life and three beautiful children: Sassy, Spunky and Sissy. Why yes, they are all girls. I'm lucky like that.

My days have become somewhat monotonous and more than a bit mediocre. I raise my girls up by hand. Know what that means? Well, it means I do it all myself mostly (that man of mine works a lot!) and I'm not a fan of the Time Out Movement so many other mothers are these days.

Money is always tight. Gas prices rise like the humidity in July. Groceries sure ain't cheap if you want to eat the fresh stuff. I'm the sort of girl that if you give me a dollar, I'll spend five. My husband, on the other hand, is tighter than bark on a tree. This dilemma had brought us to a sort of an impasse and I knew I had to do something with a quickness to improve our situation. In a town where you will surely pass more churches than you could ever shake a stick at, I decided the thing to do would be sell sex toys, marriage enhancers if you're a godly lady.

I knew this girl named Dierdre who had done it. I met her through an organization for gals with small children called Mother's Milk. Dierdre bragged to me how lucrative selling these toys could be and how it even made it possible for her to afford a cleaning lady. I was sold!

She distributed through a company called Deviant Delights. I researched this company and found it not to be to my liking. Most of the DD reps reminded me of the sort of ladies that lurked around truck stops. You know, they were a little rough around the edges. And I didn't like the fact that you had to deliver the packages yourself post party as opposed to drop shipments at the hostess' home. I also didn't like that attendance at a monthly meeting at a local sleazy diner was mandatory.

Now being the greedy sort I am, my decision was made that Deviant Delights wasn't for me when I learned distributors only earned 30% and had to pay for the hostess gift out of pocket. After some investigation, I chose a company that promised a 40% profit on all toys sold. I found a rep through my friend Beatrice. She lived in Michigan but all our interactions could be easily done by phone or online. The company was called To Your Satisfaction or TYS for short.

I had to sell $1000 worth of products within three months to earn my kit at a discounted price but I knew I'd have no problem convincing other women in search of satisfaction to give me their milk money. In fact, the "toys", as they're discreetly referred to, seemed to sell themselves. I've grown quite outgoing as an adult and I hardly ever meet a stranger so saying "apply this to your clitoris" in front of a crowd of women I didn't hardly know wasn't going to be an issue for me.

I quickly convinced my dearest old girlfriend, JaeRae, to host my very first party. She accepted joyfully and I anticipated a great crowd.

I'll tell y'all all about that party tomorrow but I'll tell you this right now, Dierdre was dead on about it being a quick money maker. Selling sex toys to horny housewives was easier than I was in high school.